Characters: Individuals J and S
Background: Individual J was the coordinator of the Indian dancing committee. During a performance she was unofficially in charge of catering food for the performers. However, she wasn't happy with the task for many reasons but, with a smile on her face she completed the task. During the review of the performance she informed the other members the challenges she faced and the reasons for not wanting to take charge of catering in future. The management found her explanation reasonable and agreed to it.
Another individual S, was the treasurer at that time. An year later a new president was elected. S took over while J became the marketing director.
Incident: Few days before the performance J bumped into S. S ended up telling (more like instructing) J that she needed to cater food for the performers. J on the other hand had enough work from her position as marketing director plus she had school assignments due the next day. J was also taken back that S did not inform her during the meeting for the concert, did not send a mail or even personally meet her but informs her only when they accidentally bump into each other. J was now irritated with all this and she tried to back off from this task without giving the actual reason.
"I'm sorry S but I am already lagging behind in my school work. I am going to do an assignment now with her".
It was too late S had a disapproving tone in her voice. " Everyone has work, J! We just have 3 more days for the concert."
J argued that it was not part of her job as the marketing director and, continued to say that there were not 1 but 2 coordinators now to take over and share the task.
S, very irritated, said in a sharp tone that she was the president and that everyone (Committee members) had to listen to her.
J got mad at this and the conversation soon became a heated argument.
Realizing that there was no point in talking sense to S, J gave her one final NO and briskly walked away.
Feelings of J:Background: Individual J was the coordinator of the Indian dancing committee. During a performance she was unofficially in charge of catering food for the performers. However, she wasn't happy with the task for many reasons but, with a smile on her face she completed the task. During the review of the performance she informed the other members the challenges she faced and the reasons for not wanting to take charge of catering in future. The management found her explanation reasonable and agreed to it.
Another individual S, was the treasurer at that time. An year later a new president was elected. S took over while J became the marketing director.
Incident: Few days before the performance J bumped into S. S ended up telling (more like instructing) J that she needed to cater food for the performers. J on the other hand had enough work from her position as marketing director plus she had school assignments due the next day. J was also taken back that S did not inform her during the meeting for the concert, did not send a mail or even personally meet her but informs her only when they accidentally bump into each other. J was now irritated with all this and she tried to back off from this task without giving the actual reason.
"I'm sorry S but I am already lagging behind in my school work. I am going to do an assignment now with her".
It was too late S had a disapproving tone in her voice. " Everyone has work, J! We just have 3 more days for the concert."
J argued that it was not part of her job as the marketing director and, continued to say that there were not 1 but 2 coordinators now to take over and share the task.
S, very irritated, said in a sharp tone that she was the president and that everyone (Committee members) had to listen to her.
J got mad at this and the conversation soon became a heated argument.
Realizing that there was no point in talking sense to S, J gave her one final NO and briskly walked away.
J now felt that she was mistreated because her wishes were disregarded. As she pondered over the matter she found more reasons to get angry with S.
She had informed the management earlier about her dislike and they, S included, had agreed.
She also felt that this was no way to let her know about her sudden additional duty.
Being the president doesn't allow S to force things upon the committee members.
Finally, when there were alternatives she wondered why she was approached by S. She thought to herself that she never got a reason from S why the coordinators couldn't do it.
Feelings of S:
She was angry that J had disregarded her request. She thought that J was unnecessarily stubborn over a petty issue.
She appeared determined to make sure that J did her work.
The situation now had turned into a competition as to who gets to have it their way.
But do you think there is a side that J has missed to see in S? How do you think they can resolve this?
edited 07 Feb 2009
This is a very compelling drama, Thevapriya. (And it seems personal!) Thank you for sharing it with us.
ReplyDeleteI won't comment on the conflict or a possible solution since that is the task of your blogging group members. I will say that there are a few language problems, for example: " J now felt that she was mistreated. That her wishes were disregarded."
Please review this, but don't let my criticism eclipse my appreciation for your hard work!
Hi Priya,
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like S bumped into J, so she gave J the task. If I were J, I would have come up with a whole lot more reasons not to do it.
(S, with all due respect, remember last year while I was the committee coordinator? I voiced out that I will never want to be in charge of food catering again. Can you please ask someone else to be in charge?)
(S, why don't you ask the coordinators to be in charge? I was in charge of catering food last year while I was the coordinator.)
(S, I know you're running out of time but I'm really tied up right now. I'm sorry but I can't help you with this. My friend and I are going to finish up an assignment right now. I hope you'll understand.)
J could do it and then voice it out again, or she could call S up, to ask her (politely) to call up the coordinators to do it. In any case, S was wrong to say that everyone in the committee has to listen to her because she was the president. Oh, and I think their tempers got to them in that exchange. I believe S would have accepted any of J's reasons if she had been nicer about it.
I was in a society the last 2 years and I was in the Organising Team. We were in charge of doing things like catering food and booking venues. The committee could ask S to appoint an Organising Director or something. I believe that would help.
hehe... I was thinking of an actual conflict because its interesting to know how other people would have handled this situation. However, everytime I wrote the length was too long and I was hoping it wasn't too complicated. I will bug my buddy to help me out with the language problem. Thank you for the feedback :)
ReplyDeleteHi again Priya,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, I read your post again and realised that J already gave S those reasons (that I put in parenthesis).
Now it seems to me that the tone J was carrying was quite an important factor. I believe she could've gotten out of that situation had she used a nicer tone.
Hi Priya!
ReplyDeleteI think that there is a possibility that J had misunderstood S’s tone when S was delegating the task of catering to J.
From your post, you mentioned that ' S ended up telling (more like instructing) '. I was thinking that perhaps that was from the perspective of J? Perhaps S did not intend to sound too commanding in her tone or maybe that was her way of talking? Hence, maybe J has misinterpreted S and plus the fact that she is really busy and another task has been given to her, J’s tone in replying could be hostile. From the perspective of S, S could be wondering why is J so worked up over a simple request and S will get worked up too, leading to the quarrel. Therefore, one thing J could have missed out was that S did not mean to sound commanding from the start.
Another side to the story could be that on that day itself, S suddenly recalled that catering was not settled and J happened to be the first person she bumped into. Hence, in her rush to make sure catering is taken off, she could have forgotten J did not want to do catering anymore and delegated the task to J.
I think that one solution is for a mediator to step in. At times, when two people are in argument, they are too hot headed or stubborn to back down and listen to the other party, hence having a third person to explain matters may help. This mediator should be someone who was in the committee previously and had heard J explained her reasons of not wanting to take up catering.
Towards S, the mediator could gently remind her that J had already stated that she did not want to do catering and that S was one of the people who agreed to it and should keep her word. Also, the mediator could also explain to S that as the president, she has the highest responsibility to ensure and maintain that relationships are good in the committee; hence S should try to solve the conflict.
Towards J, the mediator could try to make J understand S’s point of view. S’s perception could be that as the president, S saw herself as having the responsibility of delegating tasks, thus S saw nothing wrong in delegating catering to J and did not expect such a reaction from J. Again, J’s tone in replying is crucial because it could be negative. Also, the mediator should let J know that as the president, S has the most workload amongst everybody and hence she could have thought that it was right to share the workload as it will be impossible for her to do everything by herself. Basically, the mediator should aid J in putting herself in S shoes and vice versa.
Hi Priya,
ReplyDeleteI agree with Shujuan that J might had misunderstood S’s tone when S was delegating the task of catering to J. As mentioned in the story, it was only 3 days away from the concert. Thus, S(hoping the catering issue could be settle quickly) approached J in a more commanding manner. Besides, S being the president, might be facing many problems at the moment, especially when the concert was onyl 3 days away. Thus, when S was speaking to J, she did not realise her commanding tone.
This problem may be prevented if S has approached J in another tone. When J rejected S request at first, S could have told J that, " I understand that you are busy and have a lot of work to do now. However, the coordinaters are facing some problems now and the concert is only 3 days away. As you were in charge of catering last year, you make the best person to help them now. Thanks J!"
As J was really busy and was having many assignments to complete, J did has the right to reject S request. However, J should tell S in a nicer tone and explain that she is unable to help out in the catering issue. In addition, J could also mention to S that she had stated that she did not want to do catering again and this was agreed by everyone. Besides rejecting S's request, J should try to help S think of alternatives. Perhaps J could offer to give the coordinators some advice on the catering issues.
I guess most importantly, we need both parties to calm down and communicate with each other properly:)
Hey Priya,
ReplyDeleteJ may have failed to see the tasks that S has to do being the President of indian dance. S may be seriously tied up, and cannot find anyone else to help. Being desperate, she may have used her authority unwillingly to get things done.
However, If it was me, I personally would do what Roy did, that is find more reasons to not do it. I know being a good person is very important, but being so tied up there is no reason for me to sacrifice things I value for some task that can be done easily by others or through a single phone call.
Moreover, if I was in J's shoe I will seriously ignore her if she used her authority on me. Misusing of authority to me is a very impolite way to get things done. Having served 2 years of national service, I know what it is like to be asked to do unreasonable things by people having higher rank than you. It is pretty much forced upon and it will certainly not be not easy to "swallow".
Here is another solution that i guess will help. If J & S are friends, I guess they can easily sort things out through proper communication. Once misunderstandings get sorted out, they can both work together to work for another alternative solution to solve the catering issue which may be delegate it to a trustworthy common friend of theirs to help with catering.
Cheers!!!
Roy: Maybe J could have been much more sweeter so that S couldn't say no to it. However, I think J thought at that point that she wasn't at fault and S was at fault.
ReplyDeleteshujuan: Your correct Shujuan I think S was wondering why J was overreacting for a simple request.However, I am unable to get S's perspective in this conflict.But,now to think they both started off on the wrong foot I guess.Another thing I know was that J was timid till that point of time and would agree to all tasks. So I thought maybe S didnt expect J to disagree and that would have also added on to S's tone.
The mediator is a good alternative but the whole incident happened at the PGP foyer! where there was no one except for J's friend who had nothing to do with the committee.
Keldren: I have to agree with the misuse of authority. I think it was that which completely made J not want to take on this task. I think she would have compromised to finishing the task even if she didnt like it but when S used her authority J must have decided not to.