I would like to reflect on a personal experience to say why I think EFFECTIVE communication is essential.
Background:It is a general custom for me to "beg" my dad to be present when I receive awards during the annual prize giving. To an outsider it can seem that my father doesn't care much about his daughter. However, it is different between both of us.Regardless of whether I invite him or not, he would attend the ceremony. However, he likes the importance that I give him when I "beg" him to be present. Just to have abit of fun he would carry on making excuses and then act like he gives up and agrees to be there at the prize giving.
During the time of the incident my father had retired from his work. Thus he was no longer the main provider of the family's income.
Situation: It was the awarding ceremony for students to acknowledge their outstanding performance in extra curricular activities.(An event that was introduced in my final year in high school.)
Incident: : Briefly informing my mom that I was on ushering duty I had left for the awarding ceremony. (As I was one of the Prefects it was part of my responsibility to aid the teachers in making sure the event went smoothly.) When the event came to an end a bunch of friends of mine and I went for ice-cream. Finally, I went back home after 2 hours.
Skipping all the way up the stairs I bumped into my brother who had this you-are-so-going-to-be-in-trouble smile. Thanks to nonverbal communication, I sensed this and bugged him as to what was wrong.All he said was wait till you get inside.
So I stepped inside the main "hall" and I found my dad watching the TV with his back towards me. Nothing seemed wrong to me so I said "Hi dad!". He didn't turn towards at me at all.I went on to talk and he completely ignored me. I realized something was amiss here. This is because I'm usually the one who gives him the "silent" treatment when I'm mad at him. Hence, to be at the receiving end was disturbing. I sat next to him and placed my hand on his shoulder when he just shruged my hand off from his shoulder.
This really hurt me that I couldn't help but start crying. This reaction of mine set my dad off as he harshly said I was creating a scene for no reason.
Till then I had not seen my dad's face as he was still facing the TV. By then my mother had come into the "hall" and it was then I saw the hurt in my dad's eyes. It was a shock to see him so emotional and I still had no clue why. I was helpless but with my mother's help I realized why he was hurt.
Pre-incident:
When my dad had come home he realized that I was missing at home. He had asked my mother where I was and she had simply answered that I was away at the awarding ceremony. My brother had sensed later on that my dad was upset about something and resolved to think that me getting back home as the reason.
Why do you think my father reacted to the way he did? Do you think this is due to in effective communication?
edited 16/03/2009
The presentation
15 years ago
Hey Priya,
ReplyDeleteDid your father think that you were receiving an award and was upset that he was no part of it? Like you didn't "beg" him to go?
If that was the case then maybe your mum should've let him know you were simply doing ushering duty at the ceremony. I would say its a case of ineffective communication or a silly miscommunication/misunderstanding. You painted a touching scenario.
I hope everything turned out fine!
Cheers!
I agree with Roy on this one, Priya. I'm curious what the source of trouble was.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing this very personal experience with us.
Hi Priya!
ReplyDeletefirstly, I think it was very neat and organized in the way you wrote your story, providing us with background, what happened followed by the pre-incident which your mum filled you in. It made the whole story very easy to understand.
Like what Roy and Brad thinks, I am guessing that your father could have misunderstood that you had attended an award ceremony without doing your normal tradition of asking him. Often when people feel hurt, a sense of anger comes along with it. Thus, perhaps your father was angry in the heat of the moment and gave you a very harsh reaction. Then again, it could be another reason which has nothing to do with the award ceremony. It is very hard to assess whether this situation is due to ineffective communication as we really do not know the reason.
If possible, find a suitable time to sound him out on what is wrong. There are different ways to get people to share with you their thoughts and feelings and I think effective communication is about talking to people in the way they are used to. I am sure you know the way to reach out to your father :)
Hopefully, by now you have managed to find out what was wrong and that everything is fine :)
hi priya,
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing with us such a personal experience and i think you described the sequence of events very well that i can almost see each scenario in my head.
I guess your dad's pride must had been hurt at that time...as he has just retired and was not the main provider of the family then. He probably was still adjusting himself to his new role and the fact that you informed your mum instead of him about your award ceremony might have caused some misunderstanding. Perhaps he felt that you had lost some of your respect for him due to the fact that he's not the provider of the family anymore. Of course i understand that you didnt do any of this intentionally but your dad was probably not his usual self at that time and he might be having some insecurity-issues.
That's just my speculation so forgive me if i was wrong :P I really hope you can share with us how the problem was solved soon as i can tell that you and your dad loves each other a lot. Hope such misunderstandings never repeat.
Hey Priya,
ReplyDeleteI know this comment comes a bit late, but how are things between you and your father now? If the situation is not improving, do try to have a good talk with him? He seems like a very nice and understanding dad to me. It seems like there will be no problem in communciating to your dad, so do give it a try ya?
I think it may just be a misunderstanding. Like what Roy and Brad said, your dad may have misunderstood from your mum that you were receiving an award and why he wasn't invited if it was such a case.
I think your brother could have smsed you when he realised it earlier when you were still in school or on your way home. Thus, you would have ample time to think through what you should say and how you say. Your brother's smile wasn't really a good help. He could try make things easier for you by telling you the situation, then you wouldn't have been shocked by your dad's reaction and burst out crying. Take care!